


Who's She? Never heard of her...

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Gender fluid Deceit, Going to others for help, Multi, Self consciousness issues, self hatred, self help, sympathetic deceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-28 03:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15039236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: Deceit feels that something's wrong with himself, he doesn't know what. Or if it even has a name, but he hates it. So much so that he'll even suck up his pride, if the others are willing to listen to him.





	1. Chapter 1

Looking in the massive mirror that took up most of his wall, that was more times than not hidden behind a massive dark green stage curtain. Deceit had never hated himself more than when he looked into that mirror, a scowl adorned his face as he stared back at himself. His bright green scales glimmered in the low almost dark lighting of his bedroom, but that wasn’t what he was primarily focusing on right now. 

He hated it, he  **hated** it. 

It being something that he constantly couldn’t put his finger on, something that always stuck out to him whenever he looked into this mirror, something that made his skin and scales crawl with revulsion.  **IT** being the sole thing that made him want to slam his fist into this mirror, over and over and over again. Until he could no longer see his reflection and until it could no longer look back at him mocking him with the one thing that he couldn’t put his fingers on. 

What was wrong with him? What was so wrong with him that it made himself hate every aspect of his entire state of being every time he unveiled this mirror? Why? Why couldn’t he just be content? Villains were supposed to be confident, confident that they were better than the heroes in every single way.

He didn’t feel better than them though, he felt disgusting. So why? 

Deceit’s nails scratched against the glass of the mirror pressing harder and harder against it. 

_ It would be easy…  _ He realized,  _ It would be so easy to break it.  _

His nails dragged down the mirror, leaving thin pale white lines behind in their wake and his upper lip curled in revulsion as the pathway of lines just so happened to scrape right over his own face. 

_ That’s better.  _

But even so, it wasn’t nearly enough for him, he needed to do more he needed..he needed….

Hot wet tears poured down Deceit’s cheeks as his head softly thumped against the cool glass of the mirror, as the tears seemed to never stop for him. The palm of his hand rested on the mirror now, no longer seeking to break it or otherwise leave a single scratch behind on it. Even if he did, it still wouldn’t be enough, something was wrong with him, but he just couldn’t figure it out all by himself by staring at his own reflection. 

A sob shuddered itself out of him before he clasped his other hand down over his mouth to stop any more from escaping him, they couldn’t hear, he wouldn’t allow them to hear it from him. He doubted that they would even understand what he was going through, what he was feeling. 

Would they even care? Would they care if he was hurting so much? Or would they..would they laugh? Would they think that he deserved this suffering? 

A whimper crawled its way out of his throat and from behind his clasped hand. 

They wouldn’t, he was sure of that.

And yet, he wanted..he wanted to go to them. He wanted to explain everything to them, he just…

“I want someone to care…” Deceit’s hand flopped uselessly to his side as his forehead remained pressed against the mirror, glancing up he looked into his own eyes. The single brown and the single golden snake eye red and puffy from crying, the same eyes that always looked back at him when he unveiled the mirror each and every time. 

Leaning back, Deceit trailed his fingers over the deep scratches that he had left on the mirror, his fingers trailed over his own face before he stubbornly scrubbed the tears away sniffling as he did. His eyes still showed that he had obviously just been crying, but perhaps..perhaps that was for the best.

If he looked like this then perhaps the others would see that something wasn’t alright, that something was wrong with him and they might want to help. They would see, and so he wouldn’t have to be weak and ask them, they would ask him instead. 

Yes, that sounded most agreeable to him, he could do this and not be weak. He could do this and not show an ounce of weakness. 

Nodding sternly to himself as he narrowed his eyes at his reflection, Deceit reached over the forest green tassel and gave it a rough yank. 

The curtain unfolded itself in a grand sweep along his smooth cedarwood flooring, and it didn’t take long before the entirety of the mirror was once again covered up hiding himself from its nefarious view. Another deep breath was needed, after he took his cloak letting it hang on his shoulders as he fastened it at the base of his throat. 

“I can do this..I can do this…” He coached himself, not entirely sure if he was telling the truth or if once again he was just lying to himself.

Deceit gazed over to the doorknob though, and a lump welled up in his throat as he reached for it, the cool metal pressed against the palm of his hand and before he realized it he was just standing there frozen in what must have been fear. His muscles refused to move, but somehow..somehow he managed to turn it making the door slowly creak open as it did. 

The scent of cooking food assaulted his senses, and just the suddenness of it made him want to crawl right back into his room and hide under his covers for another few hours. 

“No! Onward!” He blurted out to himself, and with that said, he took the first step forward, emerging from his bedroom and into the hallway.

Downstairs he could hear them, he could hear them laughing and giggling like the bunch of fools that they were. With all the noise that they were making it was stupidly easy to slink down the stairs, and to peer around the banister to see just what they were so jovial about at this very second. 

Princey..or rather Roman in this very second was leaning against the wall that led into the kitchen. His position said that he was relaxed, but the arm slung around Anx.. no Virgil’s and Logic..otherwise known as Logan’s shoulder said that something else was going on. They all looked happy, even Patton could be heard giggling from the kitchen, as Logan groaned burying his face into his hand. 

_ Perhaps this was a mistake! I should just go back and- _

Before he could so much as finish that line of thought in his head, Roman’s eyes just so happened to shift from Logan’s and right over to Deceit’s. 

The side in question felt like every inch of his body was frozen right to the spot, as Roman seemed to mutter something over to Virgil, which in turn prompted both the anxious and logical side to look over to him. As he was still peering around the banister like a child hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa on Christmas. 

_ They saw me, oh sugar honey and iced tea. They saw..they saw. Stay cool, laugh evilly or something. For goodness sakes do something! _

Even with his internal monologue ending up to be a trainwreck in itself Deceit couldn’t do anything, especially as Roman pushed himself away from the wall and was headed right towards him. 

He was so dead, the side, the only side that currently could summon weapons was coming right towards him. 

“Deceit.” Even the way that Roman said his name, as friendly as the creative side had made it seem, made Deceit want to wilt in a combination or fright and terror.

Looking up at said creative side Deceit forced himself to swallow all of that down as Roman grabbed ahold of his elbow, this was it, this was the moment that Roman stuck his sword into him and made his insides his outsides. He would never see his Mr. Slithers again, although, there was the plus side that he’d also never see that damned mirror ever again too.

“Level with me, we need an even vote. Logan and Patton think that Pixar is better, but Virgil and I. Rightfully so, think that Disney is better. So which is it?” 

Closer and closer Roman dragged him over to the other, he felt like a deer in the headlights of a truck that was about to smear him over the highway as Roman forced him to stand next to Virgil and himself. The warm presence of Roman’s arm weighing down his shoulder certainly did not help matters either.  

“I..I…” Deceit felt that he was at a loss here as he fumbled with his words, before finally coming out with it. “I like Dreamworks but...Disney is a close second.” He blurted out, watching Roman’s affronted gasp of what most certainly looked like pain as he clasped his hand over his chest. 

Surely saying that Disney wasn’t his favorite couldn’t be that painful for him...right?

It appeared to be so, as the creative side started to wax poetically about how his tastes were surely lacking when it came to movies. His arm had drooped from Deceit’s shoulder as the prince moved off to the side now no longer standing next to the deceitful side as he gripped Virgil’s shoulder for support. Virgil though, merely rolled his eyes as Deceit rubbed the side of his arm, until…

“You aren’t wearing your gloves today I can see your scales…” Logan’s piercing yet focused eyes were laser focused onto his visible hand, and just like that Deceit felt his hackles raising once more as he hid both of his hands away inside of his pockets. 

This was a foolish mistake on his part, it was dumb of him to think that they would be perceptive enough to notice anything was wrong. After all, they had their own family unit.

“I need to go!” Deceit hissed, almost reflectively his upper lip curled back as he hissed the words out, and just like that he was slinking back turning to dart towards the stairs. Until he felt an almost crushing grip locking around his wrist holding him in place. 

“Deceit…” It was Virgil..damn this was the last thing that he needed right now… “Are you alright?” 

He wasn’t..he really wasn’t. But could he even tell them that? 


	2. Chapter 2

Licking his lips for a second Deceit opened his mouth to speak only to feel Virgil’s grip tightening just a little bit more, wince made his muscles tense just a little bit more as the anxious side leaned in making sure that neither Logan or Roman could hear him. Virgil’s eyes had narrowed and Deceit felt the hopeful spirit that had welled up inside of him completely draining away and dying off as soon as Virgil spoke to him.

“Just so you know...if you’re planning anything, or if you try to plan anything. I will stop you, and I will make sure that you will never ever leave your room again Deceit. So think hard about what you’re going to say.” The anxious side’s voice was a rough growl as he purposefully glanced back over to the other sides, and just like Deceit felt that any expectation he’d previously had wither and die. 

Just like that, he retreated back behind his villainous persona as he roughly jerked his wrist away from Virgil, the action made it throb angrily but he was too far gone to care about a little thing such as pain. Especially as he bared his teeth rudely at Virgil practically snarling at him. 

“Trust me, I would never want anything to do with your family Virgil. You may act like you know everything Mister Fight or Flight, but you know absolutely nothing! You’re just as stupid as you always were, and that still applies to here and now. You..you know nothing about me!” Deceit could only internally wince as his voice cracked at the last second, but he felt a smug sort of pride as a hurt look crossed Virgil’s face before the anxious side stepped back.

The moment though that Roman made a grab for something that was at his side, was the exact moment that Deceit was gone, before the creative side could even step forward to protect his friend’s honor against Deceit’s harsh and obviously untrue words. 

He was just gone, the slamming of the door upstairs could be heard by all of them down by the kitchen and Virgil would have been lying had he said that he didn’t flinch at the sound. Or the sound of something thudding repeatedly against the thick wooden door, over and over again before it eventually tempered off. Although, that silence didn’t make him feel better either, if anything, it made him feel a cauldron of shame burning inside of him as he felt Roman’s hand resting on his shoulder assuring him that what Deceit had said wasn’t true. Even if he had ruined everything. 

Upstairs inside of Deceit’s room, however, the lying side somehow managed to keep everything under wraps up until he slammed the door shut. The moment that his door shut with a rude slam and the lock had clicked into place, was when Deceit slammed his foot against the thick wood, he couldn’t stop and at this point, he refused to stop. Even whenever his foot started to ache something fierce he merely switched to his other foot using that one a few times until his leg grew too tired and sore as well.

Even with his frustrations taken out on the door, Deceit still felt restless and he still felt...something inside of him, the same feeling he’d had when gazing at himself in the mirror was back, it was back and he still hated it with a passion. 

Marching over to the tassel while limping at the same time, Deceit yanked on it unfurling the mirror that had miraculously fixed itself while he was gone for those couple of minutes. The reflective surface was as perfect as it was before, with no scratches anywhere on it. He wished that he could say the same for himself really. 

Because, damn...he looked awful. 

His cheeks had a flush to them that usually came before one started to cry, his eyes were still red and puffy, his hair was a tangled sweaty mess, and his eyes...they were already brimming with tears again. 

Why was he such a mess? Why couldn’t he just feel normal like the rest of them? Why couldn’t he just look normal too? What was so wrong with him to make feel this way? Why did he feel so...disgusting?  

Deceit could feel his molars grinding against each other the longer that he stared into his own reflection. Something wasn’t right, something was wrong with him. Or...or was something wrong with his reflection? Maybe it wasn’t him. Yeah, it was just his stupid mirror! He could fix this, in one way or another!

An almost drunk like smile curled onto his lips as he patted his palm against the smooth surface of the mirror, all would be well within just a few seconds. 

His mismatched eyes scoured over the contents of his bedroom, looking and looking, before they finally stopped. The heavy geode bookends that he used to prop up the books on his shelf would work quite nicely for him, and walking over to them was an ease only slightly halted by the occasional limp of his sore foot. It was fine though, everything would be fine as soon as he fixed this, everything would be fine. As long as he continued to repeat that, he felt certain that it would be true.

The crystalized rocks felt unnaturally heavy in his hands, Deceit moved them from hand to the next again and again until he felt that he had the proper grip on them. Glancing back over to the mirror he grinned back at his own disgusting reflection, and his grip tightened his fingers hurting as they clutched the sharp edges. 

Leaning back against the bookshelf as his knee started to pulse in painful aching waves, Deceit took the weight off of it before he reared his arm back. This was the perfect weight, it felt like a moment of clarity for him as the geode left his hand and went soaring through the air. When it finally connected, the air was ripe with the sound of shattering glass.

* * *

Roman felt his head snap up at the sound, and worry curled in his gut like an eel swarming around for unsuspecting food.

“What on earth was that?!” Patton’s equally worried voice could be heard coming out of the kitchen, glancing around it was pretty easy to say that they were all worried about the shattering noise from upstairs. 

“I think it would be wise to say it came from Deceit’s room…” Logan piped up from where he was standing, his forehead was creased in a worried number of lines as he ventured over to the stairway. Peering up it he narrowed his eyes.

“Deceit, are you alright?” Silence answered the question, and even after repeating the phrase, again and again, silence was all that answered them. 

Up until Roman took it upon himself to barge past Logan and walk up the stairs, despite himself Roman’s footsteps were hurried and rushed. More than once he nearly tripped going up the stairs, the others moved behind him, as if spurred on by his action to go and check up on the deceitful side. 

So when he finally made it to Deceit’s door, the black and gold colored door that had a squiggly line that must be Deceit’s drawing of a snake, Roman knocked first like any good prince. 

“Deceit...Deceit are you alright? Deceit open the door!” Roman tried to be nice at first before he gripped the knob attempting to jerk the door open. It was locked as he soon came to find out, which in the end led to him slamming his shoulder against the door.

“Roman!” Patton’s tone was obviously scolding him, but even so, the fatherly side made no move to stop him. A sign that he wanted Roman to get in there so that they could see just what was wrong. 

Even Logan’s and Virgil’s expression let on that something wasn’t right, and with a renewed vigor, he did it again, slamming his entire body weight into the door until the lock giving way and the chunk of the doorway flying off. He stumbled for a second before instantly holding his arms out preventing the others from taking a step into the darkly lit room, glass reflected everywhere on the floor where it had once been on the wall as a functioning mirror.

“There’s glass, watch where you step!” He warned them, before stepping into the room himself, the glass crunched under his feet, like the dusty broken bones of long-dead enemies. The room was so dark, and for a second he wondered how Deceit could even see in here with the lights as dim as they were. 

Summoning a flashlight, he flicked it on, illuminating a stream of light across the room where he finally saw Deceit. 


	3. Chapter 3

The light of the flashlight was reflected eerily by the shards of mirror that were littered all over the floor, it was like a thousand shards of stars peering out of another world. Logan walked over the shards with bated breath as Roman’s flashlight focused on Deceit, next to him Patton made a pained sound at the sight of Deceit next to the mirror. In a circle of shards, Logan spotted a massive geode much like the one that he used as a bookend, it was clear what Deceit had used in order to break his mirror. 

The only question was why, summoning his own flashlight as Roman crept closer and closer to Deceit, Logan shined the light on the mirror that seemed to take up the entire wall with how long and wide it happened to be. The light hovered right over Deceit’s head, illuminating a few spiderweb cracks on the glass approximately just around the height of Deceit had he been standing up. 

Narrowing his eyes Logan slowly moved his light lower and lower before turning the spotlight onto Deceit’s bloody and bruised up knuckles. A tiny shard of glass appeared to even be stuck between one of his knuckles, and judging by the way that Deceit’s jaw was tight with pain as he continued to grip the fabric of his cloak tight, it was causing him a good deal of pain. 

Ah, so that was it.

“Deceit...kiddo, what happened?” Patton was the one who finally spoke up, as Roman looked to have stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the blood steadily dripping down Deceit’s fingers and the cracked glass all around it. 

The moral side inched forward as best as he could, trying to avoid stepping on the glass in every which way, when he got to Deceit’s side Patton brushed away a few chunks of glass with the paw of his sweater before sitting on down next to Deceit. There wasn’t a lot of room, but he made do with what he had to work with. 

Reaching forward he held his hand out patiently, and Deceit’s eyes seemed to flick back and forth from the hand like a wild disturbed dog on the side of the road that was deciding of the hand was going to come with any amount of pain for himself. Eventually, he raised one of his hands from where he had been grasping his cloak, laying it hesitantly in Patton’s palm. Just to inwardly flinch as Patton’s other hand soothingly stroked the back of his hand. 

“Lo, the kit please?” It shouldn’t have surprised Logan to hear how soft and low Patton’s voice was, but in the silence of Deceit’s room that seemed almost blanketed in the silence and darkness, any noise felt jarring for him. As he jerked his head up hastily nodding as Patton rested his cheek on the deceitful side’s shoulder, still stroking his hand calmly.

The first aid kit was a familiar presence in his hands, as he passed the flashlight over to Virgil, just then realizing that the anxious side was looking a little sick to his stomach. Although, right then, he couldn’t comment on that, as he stepped over the glass, much as in the same way that Patton had done before crouching down in front of Deceit. 

There was a moment of hesitation before, “I will promise to not purposefully harm you Deceit, it will hurt at first, but I promise that it is not intentional.” Logan assured him popping open the top of the first aid kit before he got everything he needed out, snapping the tweezers together a few times he got right to work. He’d had plenty of practice when Roman had come back from his daydreams, all banged up and in need of helping. So a little glass and some busted knuckles were practically child’s play to Logan. 

Deceit hissed at the sharp stinging pain that came with a few slivers of the glass being removed from his knuckles, it was only the presence of Patton’s hand on his arm that kept him from abruptly jerking back and scooting further away from them. The tiny pieces of glass only made a slight ping noise as they landed in the metal dish that Logan had to summon.

Three from one hand and two from another.

The sting of the antiseptic was even worse as Logan swabbed a wet cotton ball over the cuts and bruises, before a fresh and surprisingly soft layer of gauze was layered over his knuckles preventing him from seeing the messed up skin that he himself had done to himself. 

“Deceit…” When Roman finally spoke up settling in next to Logan once the first aid kit was gone and the other side’s knuckles were all wrapped up nicely, it would only take a few days in the mindscape for them to heal up and look as if nothing had been there in the first place. “What happened?” 

At Roman’s question, Deceit looked almost ashamed of himself as his head tilted downward and the deceitful side began to gnaw on his lower lip. A sign of embarrassment and anxiety in Logan’s eyes, although, before Deceit could further be probed on it Patton’s arm curled around his back giving him a half hug and bringing him in closer to comfort. It was then that Deceit swallowed no longer chewing his bottom, instead just wetting it with the tip of his tongue, before…

“I didn’t like it…” The trembling whisper was something that the lot of them had to lean in for, and even then they didn’t understand it, evident by how Roman’s eyebrows pinched together in a rather confused manner, how Logan tilted his head to the side, and the way that Patton pursed his lips even if they said nothing.

“The mirror..” Deceit decided to clarify, “It made me..It made me feel like something was wrong...like something was wrong with me.” 

“You mean besides your-” A quick and efficient slap to Roman’s arm shut the fanciful side up quickly as Deceit’s eyes darted over to the creative one, just to turn downward once again. 

“It made me feel disgusting, so I had to get rid of it. But..but..even then…” Patton felt his own heart crumbling as Deceit’s bottom lip wobbled and his eyes becoming shiny with tears. “It didn’t work! I still feel bad, I still feel wrong, and I still feel...disgusting in some way!” He blurted out clenching his hands against just to wince at the razor-sharp pain that lanced over his knuckles. 

So instead, he pressed his hands over his face his teeth visible as he clenched them tight, trying to inhale and exhale without letting out another wail of distress that wanted to just come on out like a dam that had been held back for far too long. 

“I feel so wrong! I f..feel so bad!” He choked out, and again the urge to slam.. **something** into the mirror came back with a vengeance. It hurt to clench his hands, and his elbow was covered up enough so that it wouldn’t hurt too much if he did. At this point the reflection wasn’t even the issue, it had still affected him even when he could no longer see his reflection. By now, breaking the mirror was just to make him feel better, even if there were no real results.

A warm pair of arms encircled him, pinning his arms to his side and unknowingly preventing him from acting on such a flimsy thought, blinking his eyes a few times in order to rid them of the blurry tears, it took a moment for Deceit to notice that it wasn’t one person hugging him, but three.

Patton on his side, Roman in front of him, and Logan somewhat next to Roman. Although Virgil was hanging back, his own knuckles pressed between his teeth as he bit down on them. Tears were also visible in Virgil’s eyes, but the anxious side didn’t even seem to realize it. 

However, that wasn’t what Deceit was focused on right now, he didn’t focus on the pain in his knuckles, or even the sour curdling feeling inside of him. But instead the feeling of the warmth of a hug all around him, actual human contact, for what felt like the first time in a very long while.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a lot of coaxing to get Deceit to leave his room for the rest of the day, and it took even more coaxing to get him to stay downstairs where he could be with everyone. Or rather, where Logan could stop him from picking at the gauze around his knuckles, where Patton could curl a massive blanket around Deceit, and where Roman could sit next to the deceitful side letting the other flip through the different channels on the tv before finally settling for an episode of some cartoon that they had already seen. 

But that hardly mattered, as Deceit sank back into the cushioned and weighted blanket that Patton had curled around him like he must have been freezing or something. Even the weight of Roman leaning against wasn’t something that he was totally against right now, he continued to watch the cartoon as Patton eventually vanished back into the kitchen the sounds of something clattering against the counter going with him. 

He returned soon enough, holding a dish of something that most certainly smelled pleasant, a proud grin could be seen on the moral side’s face as he thrust the plate into Deceit’s arms making him unconsciously grasp onto it much tighter so that it wouldn’t g tumbling out of his hands. 

Looking down he saw seven crumbly slices, with seven neat thin squares of butter cut on top of each one of them, the warmth of food making it slowly melt. Glancing back up at Patton, Deceit did nothing for a second. Were they...for him? Or was Patton just showing him the food that he had just cooked because he was proud of it? Nevertheless, Deceit didn’t make a move to eat one bite until he was absolutely certain of it.

“It’s banana bread! I’ve never made it before, so I want you to try it!” Well, that answered his question.

Balancing the plate on one hand he broke one of the slices in half watching the better slice slowly drip off onto the other half before he shoved a massive bite into his mouth. It was...really really good. Deceit decided, so warm crumbly and it just had a perfect taste that he couldn’t pinpoint, it was better than good. It was absolutely amazing! Before he even knew it he had shoved the rest of the half into his mouth, heartily chewing it and swallowing it down before he grabbed the other half on the plate. 

“It’s so good.” He managed to mumble through the sea of crumbles on his face, all while he tried to chew enough to make his words legible, the smile that lit up Patton’s face was better than any banana bread that the moral side could offer him, and any that he would ever get in his lifetime. It made him feel warm inside, so warm that his insides must have been melting. 

Of course, he was completely distracted from that train of thought the moment that Roman slung his arm over Deceit’s shoulder picking up one of the slices before shoving it into his mouth like a heathen, the crumbles cascaded down the creative side’s chin and onto Deceit’s shoulder like it was storming crumbs instead of normal rain. Thankfully the crumbs were hastily swept off as Deceit brushed them off with the side of his hand.

“You’re right, these really are the best! The best thing you’ve ever made Padre!” After swallowing down the food Roman attempted to swipe at another slice, just for Deceit to intentionally hold them out of his reach. A tiny sly smile, but a smile nonetheless curled onto the deceitful side’s lips as he listened to Roman whine, for just a second before relenting and passing the plate over to the creative side letting him scarf down the food.

It took nearly an hour for him to be left alone again, as Roman had fallen asleep on the couch curled up with his own blanket by the armrest as the tv continued to play another show. Patton had gone off sitting at the dining room table coloring as Logan sat next to him a book in front of him as he slowly turned the pages. 

Just about all of them were off in their own little world, all except for one.

Ever since they had cornered Deceit in his room Virgil hadn’t said a word to anyone, he had lingered around in the other’s messed up room and once it had become obvious that he was finally alone Virgil began to sweep. There was a lot of glass on the floor, and it took a lot of time to make sure that he wouldn’t accidentally cut himself on it when he finally got rid of it all. Once he was done though, Virgil took a good long look at what remained of the mirror that had seemingly caused Deceit so much paint. So much of the mirror remained as cracked and destroyed as it was, and looking at his reflection as the spider webbing cracks could be seen running over his face.

Virgil’s jaw clenched his hands that were still holding the dustpan and broom started to shake, the longer that he looked at the mirror and at himself the more he felt it. This wouldn’t stand any longer, and without a second thought, he dropped the broom and dustpan the two items vanishing as he summoned something else.

“This will not stand for a second longer…” Virgil growled to himself, his dark eyes glaring balefully at the mirror before attacking it with vigor. 

Downstairs, however, Deceit felt his body shoot up from where he had been sitting, he had almost been asleep comfortably laying against Roman as the creative side snored so deeply that it almost felt like a purr to him. But that was before he felt it, it being the fact that someone was tampering and changing up his room. 

Within seconds he was up, his eyes darted around the living room before he was peering into the dining room as well. Roman, Patton, and Logan. They were all here, all three of them, except...except for one person in particular…

Deceit took the steps two at a time in his rush to get upstairs, and grabbing ahold of his doorknob he slammed it open making it bang and bounce against the wall as he rushed inside. 

It was lighter in his room, so much lighter than he’d ever had it in the past. He could actually see his dark red oak floor that was now littered with scratches thanks to all of the glass, all of the glass that was now gone. His room didn’t appear to have changed all that much, until he shot an accusatory look over to Virgil, just to feel himself stiffening up at the sight of the other side standing by where the mirror had once stood. 

Once, as in the entire mirror was just up and gone, and in its place was Virgil standing there with paint brushes poking out of his pockets while he had been mixing paints on a palette. He’d already done a small corner of where the mirror had been, and Deceit couldn’t exactly tell what on earth he was painting, but what he did know was that it was impossible for him to feel this touched all in one day.

“You...what you doing?!” He blurted out, watching Virgil reflectively wince at the unintentional harshness of those words and even Deceit felt himself internally flinch at just how rude he had sounded. 

But he didn’t have time to worry about that, “I…” Virgil tapped the paintbrush against the palate before dipping it into a mason jar that was full of water and setting the paint palate down as well, the water turned a dark murky green as soon as the paintbrush became submerged. 

“I know that this sounds crazy but…” Virgil brushed his bangs back with his paint-stained fingers, accidentally getting a smear of red along his forehead. “But, I know what you’re going through, I know how you feel. Because..because I’ve been through it before. And I know that the best way to help...is change.” He tried to explain giving a half-hearted shrug towards the mural he had been painting when Deceit had barged in, letting out a deep pent-up sigh the anxious side took a step closer to Deceit.

“I misjudged you before, I never even stopped to consider that you might have been going through what I have already been through. In the end, I..I made you shy away from all of us and do things. So...So…” 

Virgil thickly swallowed as he held his hand out to Deceit, “So with your permission, I’d like to help you with that.” 

The air felt thick and charged between them, as Deceit just openly stared at Virgil’s hand like it was some foreign object that could turn into a beast and attack him. He held his own hand close to his chest, his breath felt bated for some reason as time felt like it had slowed down for them. When he finally reached forward, he felt his fingers brush the palm of Virgil’s hand before he finally clasped it. 

The smile that he was rewarded with, made him feel all too similar to when Patton had smiled at him. Only this time, it felt more deserved as Virgil took him in the opposite direction, leading him out of his room and towards...his own room?

Pushing open the door, Virgil barely offered the contents of his room a glance as he pushed open another door located to the far right of his bed. Peering inside Deceit’s nose was instantly assaulted by the smell of roses, peaches, and cream. The air felt..calmer almost and even cleaner somehow.

The room itself was massive and spacious, with a couch that looked more like something you’d see if you were in a therapist's office. Even so, Virgil still didn’t look at that as he finally let go of Deceit’s hand venturing over to a neat line of cabinets that had a line up of pictures on it. New pictures judging by the clarity of them, of Virgil hanging out with the other sides. Some of them had Virgil a Christmas looking sweater while most were in his usual garb, pulling open the cabinet Virgil rifled through a few things before glancing back over to Deceit. 

“Take off your cloak and sit down on one of the mats.” He easily told the other, and glancing around quickly Deceit saw the mats that he was referring to.

So unclasping his cloak and tossing it onto the couch he dragged a deep purple mat out from where it had been rolled up and stowed away, before Virgil finally came back over to him carrying an entire armload of things.

“Starting today Deceit, is a day where you can relax and let go of your old self,” Virgil explained as he set everything down onto the floor. 

A face mask, scented body lotion, a couple bath bombs that were sparkly and scented, some shirts and pants, and...some hair dye of various colors. 

His confusion must have been obvious as he picked up one of bottle tilting it as his eyebrows scrunched together, just to stop as Virgil’s hand rested over his own. Looking up he saw the anxious side’s sympathetic gaze that only made him more uncomfortable.

“Deceit…” Virgil murmured, “If you aren’t comfortable in your body..or with how you see yourself...you are allowed to change that. If you hate...anything about yourself, you don’t have to stay the same. You can be someone else, and you can…” 

Virgil blinked a few times obviously tearing up, he’d had to learn this by himself. He’d had no one else to guide him, but Deceit...he could help Deceit. 

“I can...change?” The uncertainty of Deceit’s voice shook Virgil to his core. “I don’t have to feel disgusting?” That, however, was the kicker for him, as Deceit grasped one of the bottles a little tighter. A lone tear dripped down Deceit’s cheek, but before Virgil could freak out or wipe it away, a smile took to Deceit’s face as he looked back up at the anxious side. 

“I think that I’d like that…” He murmured, a bright smile lighting up his face, and with that, he began to shed his old self.


	5. Chapter 5

“Are you sure that I look alright in this?” 

After several long hours in Virgil relaxation room as Deceit had come to know it as, and with his newly dyed hair dried and pinned back out of his face with the help of several bobby pins. Deceit looked at his own reflection in the mirror that hung on Virgil’s door, he turned around examining every inch of himself. Just as he had done inside of his own room only with many different results, he looked at himself like he was examining some stranger on the street that looked just like him, but at the same time totally different.

With the all the time he had taken to look at himself in his own mirror, it had never occurred to Deceit that changing his appearance and his schedule of all things might actually help him in the long run. He had just kind of learned to live with the discomfort and the disgust that he felt towards himself every single day.

It had taken a lot for Virgil to even convince him to move in front of the mirror to begin with, standing up and walking in front of it, he had felt like a newborn deerling. Toddling its way over to eat a patch of grass. 

Now though, now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his reflection, and honestly, he didn’t think that he ever would be able to again. He looked...actually alright, the smile that curved onto his lips was something that he had not seen on himself for some time, but it was an action he had dearly missed.

“You look great Dee, you should have a little more confidence in yourself,” Virgil instructed from where he was sitting back, lounging really, in his Nightmare Before Christmas themed bean bag chair.

He had been the one to really shove Deceit into the furthest depths of his closet urging him to pick out whatever felt comfortable with him, and from there they worked out the details of his new look. 

The bowler hat, as well as it had served him in the past, was the first to go. Tossed aside like a frisbee at a dog park, and from there he was allowed to decide what color he wanted his hair to be. No more of the plain brown color that he had just kept it as for the longest amount of time. Virgil had him closing his eyes as he rubbed the dye into his hair and scalp, and after that was done came the face masks that made his skin feel the smoothest and cleanest that he’d ever felt in his entire life. 

The dark gold color of his hair suited him, and the moment that the color started to show up Deceit hadn’t been able to keep the eager smile off of his face. His eyes locked with Virgil’s for just a split second, and the smile that was shared between them said it all.

_ I can do this, I am allowed to do this. I can change... I can change! _

Deceit coached himself as he had rifled through the clothing and within no time his old cloak had been discarded, and in its place was a longer but more fashionable one in its place that trailed down to his ankles in soft waves. 

The top side of the cloak was a pitch black just as his old one had been, but the underside of it was colored in the dark gold color that his hair had taken to. However, more so than that, underneath the cloak, he wore a simple yet elegant white button up shirt that had small golden triangles as the buttons.

If one looked close enough, they’d even see a neat looking snake eye in the middle of the button. Although that wasn’t what excited him the most either as replacing his bright yellow gloves, was a pair of ripped up jet black glove that trailed all the way up to his elbow, it made him giddy to move it around as the material itself gleamed a golden color just like the scales of a snake when it hit the light correctly.

Even his nails seemed to match the specific color scheme he had going on, as the muted gold only seemed to make everything else pop for him. He had openly marveled at them when Virgil had sat him down, slowly painting over the plain nails with a surprising amount of patience. 

Once Virgil was done though he’d spun around, letting his cloak and pleated skirt swirl around him with a wide and magnificent grin on his face, he’d hesitated and deliberated the moment that Virgil had suggested looking in the mirror though. Nervously looking back at the anxious side, as his grin melted away to the point that it seemed like it hadn’t been there in the first place.

“Don’t give me that look, Dee, you look great and if this isn’t the outfit then..then we’ll just keep looking until we find it! You’ll never know, and I want things to be perfect for you dude…” Standing Virgil had walked over to him, placing his hand on his shoulders and looking him directly in the eyes, something that Virgil had struggled to do no more than almost a day ago.  

Even so, the worried thoughts ran amuck in his head, he didn’t want the sickening feeling to come back, he didn’t..he just didn’t. He was tired...tired of that disgusted feeling.

_ I don’t want to feel nasty anymore… _

It shouldn’t have, but the thought caught him off guard, as the tears started to pool in his eyes, and before he knew it the sensation of a warm hand pressing against his cheek directed his attention back to Virgil’s face.

“No no no! No tears now, you mess up the eyeliner and mascara that we worked so hard on. Hey now…” The quirk of Virgil’s lips and the pure warmth in his eyes, made Deceit unconsciously smile back.

Everything would be alright, he had to believe that. Virgil was here, and the others would help too, in whatever way they could. 

So sniffling a little and blinking back the tears Deceit hastily nodded, before he reached up clasping Virgil’s hand before he could move it away from his face.  The action had been entirely instinctual, but once he had done it there was no taking it back as he kept Virgil’s palm pressed against the smoothness of his scales before he threaded their fingers together.

It was only with Virgil’s hand did he walk in front of the mirror, and it was only with Virgil’s presence next to him did he open his eyes from the tiny squint to the point where he was openly staring at himself. He was different, and at the same time, he was still himself. Stepping forward he didn’t feel Virgil’s hand slipping out of his grasp as the anxious side retreated to his beanbag chair, and he didn’t notice it as he turned around keeping eye contact with himself as he spun around in the mirror. He was different looking, he was different, he had...changed.

_ I’m not me. I am someone new. _


End file.
